God's Killing Sprees
God drowns everyone on earth (except Noah and his family)
Genesis 7:23, BT
30,000,000?
30,000,000
God rains fire and brimstone on Sodom and Gomorrah, killing everyone.
Gen.19:24, BT
1000?
30,001,000
Lot's wife for looking back
Gen.19:26, BT
1
30,001,001
Er who was "wicked in the sight of the Lord"
Gen.38:7, BT
1
30,001,002
Onan for spilling his seed
Gen.38:10, BT
1
30,001,003
7th Egyptian Plague: Hail
Exodus 9:25, BT
30,000?
30,031,003
God kills every Egyptian firstborn child.
Ex.12:29-30, BT
500,000?
30,531,003
God drowns Egyptian army
Ex.14:28, BT
1000?
30,532,003
God and Moses help Joshua kill the Amalekites
Ex.17:13, BT
1000?
30,533,003
For dancing naked around Aaron's golden calf
Ex.32:27-28, 35, BT
3000
30,536,003
Aaron's sons for offering strange fire before the Lord
Lev.10:1-3,Num.3:4, 26:61, BT
2
30,536,005
A blasphemer
Lev.24:10-23, BT
1
30,536,006
God burned to death an unknown number for complaining
Numbers 11:1, BT
100?
30,536,106
God sent "a very great plague" for complaining about the food.
Num.11:33, BT
10,000?
30,546,106
God killed those who murmured with a plague.
Num.14:35-36, BT
100?
30,546,206
A man who picked up sticks on the Sabbath
Num.15:32-36, BT
1
30,546,207
Korah, Dathan, and Abiram (and their families)
Num.16:27, BT
12+
30,546,219
Burned to death for offering incense
Num.16:35, 26:10,BT
250
30,546,469
For complaining
Num.16:49, BT
14,700
30,561,169
Massacre of the Aradites
Num.21:1-3, BT
3000?
30,564,169
For complaining about the lack of food and water, God sent fiery serpents to bite the people, and many of them died.
Num.21:6, BT
100?
30,564,269
God delivers the Bashanites into Moses' hands and Moses kills everyone "until there was none left alive."
Num.21:34-35, BT
1000?
30,565,269
For "committing whoredom with the daughters of Moab"
Num.25:9, BT
24,000
30,589,269
Midianite massacre (32,000 virgins were kept alive)
Num.31:1-35, BT
90,000+
30,679,269
The slaughter of the Anakim, the children of Esau, and the Horim
Deuteronomy 2:21-22
5000?
30,684,269
God hardened the king of Heshbon's heart so that the Israelites could massacre his people. (included several cities)
Dt.2:33-34, BT
3000?
30,687,269
God delivered the king of Bashan so that the Israelites could massacre his people.
Dt.3:3-6
60,000?
30,747,269
Massacre of Jericho
Joshua 6:21, BT
1000?
30,748,269
God tells Joshua to stone to death Achan (and his family) for taking the accursed thing.
Joshua 7:10-12, 24-26, BT
5+
30,748,274
God tells Joshua to attack Ai and do what he did to Jericho (kill everyone).
Joshua 8:1-25, BT
12,000
30,760,274
God slaughters the Amorites and even chases them "along the way" as they try to escape.
Joshua 10:10-11, BT
1000?
30,761,274
Joshua kills 5 kings and hangs their dead bodies on trees
Joshua 10:24-26, BT
5
30,761,279
Massacre of 7 cities
Joshua 10:28-42, BT
7000?
30,768,279
God delivers the Hazorites.
Joshua 11:8-12, BT
1000?
30,769,279
Massacre of the Anakim
Joshua 11:20-21, BT
1000?
30,770,279
God delivered Canaanites and Perizzites
Judges 1:4, BT
10,000
30,780,279
Ehud delivers a message from God: a knife into the king's belly
Jg.3:15-22, BT
1
30,780,280
God delivered Moabites
Jg.3:28-29, BT
10,000
30,790,280
Massacre of the Canaanites
Jg.4:15, BT
1000?
30,791,280
God forces Midianite soldiers to kill each other.
Jg.7:2-22, 8:10, BT
120,000
30,911,280
God delivered the Ammonites to Jephthah to slaughter.
Jg.11:32-33, BT
1000?
30,912,280
The Spirit of the Lord comes on Samson
Jg.14:19, BT
30
30,912,310
The Spirit of the Lord comes mightily on Samson
Jg.15:14-15, BT
1000
30,913,310
Samson's God-assisted act of terrorism
Jg.16:27-30, BT
3000
30,916,310
"The Lord smote Benjamin"
Jg.20:35-37, BT
25,100
30,941,410
More Benjamites
Jg.20:44-46
25,000
30,966,410
For looking into the ark of the Lord
1 Sam.6:19, BT
50,070
31,016,480
God delivered Philistines
1 Sam.14:12, BT
20
31,016,500
God forces the Philistine soldiers to kill each other.
1 Sam.14:20, BT
1000?
31,017,500
God orders Saul to kill every Amalekite man, women, and child.
1 Sam.15:2-3, BT
1000?
31,018,500
Samuel (at God's command) hacks Agag to death
1 Sam.15:32-33, BT
1
31,018,501
God delivers the Philistines.
1 Sam.23:2-5
1000?
31,019,501
"The Lord smote Nabal."
1 Sam.25:38
1
31,019,502
God delivers the Philistines to David (again).
2 Sam.5:19, 25
1000?
31,020,502
Uzzah for trying to keep the ark from falling
2 Sam.6:6-7, 1 Chr.13:9-10
1
31,020,503
David and Bathsheba's baby boy
2 Samuel 12:14-18
1
31,020,504
God sent a three-year famine because of something Saul did.
2 Sam.21:1
5000?
31,025,504
Seven sons of Saul hung up before the Lord
2 Sam.21:6-9
7
31,025,511
From plague as punishment for David's census (men only; probably 200,000 if including women and
children)
2 Sam.24:13, 1 Chr.21:7
70,000+
31,095,511
A prophet for believing another prophet's lie
1 Kg.13:1-24
1
31,095,512
Baasha killed everyone in the house of Jeroboam "according to the saying of the Lord."
1 Kings 15:29
1000?
31,096,512
Zimri killed everyone in the house of Baasha "according to the word of the Lord."
1 Kg.16:11-12
1000?
31,097,512
God delivers the Syrians into the Israelites' hands
1 Kg.20:28-29
100,000
31,197,512
God makes a wall fall on Syrian soldiers
1 Kg.20:30
27,000
31,224,512
God sent a lion to eat a man for not killing a prophet
1 Kg.20:35-36
1
31,224,513
Ahaziah is killed for talking to the wrong god.
2 Kings 1:2-4, 17, 2 Chr.22:7-9
1
31,224,514
Burned to death by God
2 Kg.1:9-12
102
31,224,616
God sends two bears to kill children for making fun of Elisha's bald head
2 Kg.2:23-24
42
31,224,658
Trampled to death for disbelieving Elijah
2 Kg.7:17-20
1
31,224,659
God calls for a seven year famine.
2 Kg.8:1
10,000?
31,234,659
Jezebel
2 Kg.9:33-37
1
31,234,660
Jehu killed "all that remained unto Ahab in Samaria ... according to the saying of the Lord"
2 Kg.10:16-17
100?
31,234,760
God sent lions to kill "some" foreigners
2 Kg.17:25-26
3+
31,234,763
Sleeping Assyrian soldiers
2 Kg.19:35, 2 Chr.32:21, Is.37:36
185,000
31,419,763
Saul
1 Chronicles 10:14
1
31,419,764
God delivers Israel into the hands of Judah
2 Chronicles 13:15-17
500,000
31,919,764
Jeroboam
2 Chr.13:20
1
31,919,765
"The Lord smote the Ethiopians."
2 Chr.14:9-14
1,000,000
32,919,765
God kills Jehoram by making his bowels fall out
2 Chr.21:14-19
1
32,919,766
God delivered the Israelites into the hand of the Chaldeans.
2 Chr.36:16-17
1000?
32,920,766
Ezekiel's wife
Ezekiel 24:15-18
1
32,920,767
Ananias and Sapphira
Acts 5:1-10
2
32,920,769
God is a killing machine!
ReplyDeletefat, read something interesting about hinduism, if you like spread it.
Delete1.Shiva’s first wife had died and in his incredible sadness, he was roaming around restlessly, wandering alone in a forest, naked and like a madman.
In that forest, there lived many rishis – which are holy men with special powers called Siddhis. They had wives, too, and while Shiva was wandering around like that, these women saw him. They could not hold onto themselves when they watched him walking by naked, his divine body in full display. They ran after him, admired him and finally started touching and hugging him.
As luck would have it, just in that time, their husbands, the rishis, came by as well. Seeing their wives in close embrace with Shiva, they got very angry, accusing him of immorality. They combined their powers and cursed Shiva, no, cursed his penis, saying it should be cut off and fall down at the spot!
There is another version in which they pick up stones and throw them at him, which with their sharp edges cut off his penis, so that it falls down.
No matter how exactly it happened, the penis fell down to earth and where it fell, it stood erected and started burning like wildfire. Wherever it went – my wife asked how it ‘went’ but I cannot exactly tell you – it caused inferno and chaos. Bad things started happening in the world, as if the earth’s last day had arrived. Mountains burst, fire was spilling everywhere and people were in panic. Had the world come to its end?
All demigods and rishis went to Brahma, the creator of the world. He got to know what had happened and, together with everyone, reached Shiva. Everyone started pleading with him and praying: ‘Please, take your penis back, it is destroying the world!’
Shiva was appeased by all these prayers and agreed, but with one condition: ‘Only if you start worshipping my penis, will I take it back!’
And that is how Shiva Lingams were installed across the earth in temples everywhere and the worship of Shiva’s penis started.
2.According to Saraswati Purana, Brahma created his beautiful daughter Saraswati direct from his vital strength or seminal fluid. Some texts also prove that Brahma used to collect his semen in a pot whenever he masturbated fixing his eyes on the celestial beauty Urvasi. Brahma’s semen in the pot gave birth to Saraswati. Thus, Saraswati had no mother. Brahma and his daughter Saraswati lived as husband and wife indulging in incest for 100 years.
source:-
http://www.jaisiyaram.com/blog/religion/18894-shiva-lingam-how-the-worship-of-a-penis-started-in-hinduism-17-feb-15.html
http://daily.bhaskar.com/news/JM-lord-brahma-married-his-own-daughter-goddess-saraswati-4477027-PHO.html?seq=4
reply number 2. read another hilarious,
DeleteTake the story of Indra’s Curse. According to Hindu scripture, Indra, king of the gods, seduced a young married woman named Ahalya. Her husband eventually caught them in the act and cursed Indra by making thousands of female genitals appear on his body.
source http://www.alternet.org/sex-amp-relationships/brief-history-vagina-worship
fat, in my previous reply i forget to mention that brahma is god and the creator of the universe. (who lived with his own daughter as husband and wife) and shiva is also supreme god and destroter of universe.
Thanks for your comment. It seems that regardless of the religion God always turns out to be a dick.
Deletecall god from whole heart, if he ever appear, give him incredible punch
ReplyDeleteI'll step on his balls!
DeleteGod is fucking boring! He gives people a shitty heaven with no sex or gluttony or freedom. Everything is holiness bullshit! God is a fucking dictator. He can go suck a rapist dick! That piece of shit doesn't care if you had a shitty life. Instead he promises a kiddy rainbow party in heaven for all those who believe in his virgin faggat son Jesus . God is a terrible father. He's not cool or majestic. He's lame and boring. If God was good he would of created a heaven with freedom to do whatever and no death. But he's a dick with too much power and he likes to torture people for his pleasure. That fuck head deserves to be taken off the throne and burned!
ReplyDeleteI hear ya Kyle. The deal with the Christian God is, you kiss his ass while on earth and your reward is you end up in Heaven massaging his insatiable ego for all eternity.
DeleteIt's different with the Muslim god. If you spend your days kissing his ass and killing non Muslims you end in paradise with all the wine you can drink and 72 vestal virgins and if your are a gay pedophile you get "fresh faced" boys. Muslims are big time into buggery.
God is one sick fucker and like you said, lame!